Editorial Report 9a

Alrighty. Comin' at ya straight from my brain. Two versions of my introduction paragraph. I chose to edit this paragraph because hahahah did you read it before?? Wowza. Well, here are the old and revised versions. Take a looksie.

Introductions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I made my new introduction a little more formal and definitely added more specific experiences while expanding on the ones already present. I wanted a lot of good background of english-class-hatred to be able to expand on in my essay and then be able to negate, as well.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The form stayed pretty much the same. I started with a grabber, included some personal stories, and ended with my thesis for the essay to follow.