Local Revision: Variety

Skeeze. 10/2011. https://pixabay.com/en/flowers-color-variety-mums-floral-569585/

1. How much variation in sentence structures is there in your current draft? Are there any repetitive or redundant patterns?

I have noticed that I have a tendency to use three words in a list form joined with an 'and' to describe things. I would not just describe CVS's decision by saying that it shocked the public, I would say "it was making headlines, and front pages, and emergency segments everywhere". And in describing the stakeholder of the smokers, I used the senses of sight, smell, and sound. The other type of sentence structure I employed multiple times was a sort of structure where I introduce s topic in the first half of the sentence and then follow it with a comma, the words "but actually/rather/also" and then either an addition or contrary belief to the topic from the first half of the sentence. Now, I have only used this form twice in this QRG, because I can see how it may get confusing or tedious to read that type of sentence structure over and over again. I would assert that any redundancy in my quick reference guide would be derived from this latter sentence structure, but I don't think I went overboard on its use.

2. What about paragraph structures and transitions?

My paragraphs are all very short and range from 1-4 sentences. So, I don't engineer specific transitional phrases between these passages. My three main sections of my QRG do employ a sort of transitional phrasing, though they are not traditional. I believe that a traditional transitional phrase would incorporate both the topics of the previous paragraph and the topics of the subsequent paragraph and how they tie in together. The movement of my essay is really centered around the timing of the event since the subject matter is all very fluid. So since this is a QRG, my sub-headers really act as the dividing line between sections when a traditional transitional phrase would be used.

3. What about vocabulary? What are the main strengths and weaknesses of the draft's approach to vocabulary?

I am confident in my vocabulary choices, except for when it comes to referencing CVS directly. I believe the rest of my paper uses a nice variety of terms for the narrow scope of topics I am talking about. But for CVS, besides explicitly stating the name, there are limited options to identify it by except for terms like pharmacy, business, or company. Realistically, yes, there are many other things to call CVS, but that name has to be cohesive and flow well with the rest of the paper. For example, I'm not going to call it the 'CVS association' because I don't feel like that really captures the professionalism; this name sounds too loose. Nor would I reference CVS as a 'firm' because that has a common connotation of the workplace of a stock broker or lawyer. 'CVS enterprise'? Now, that just sounds like I'm geeking out about Star Trek.