Local Revision: Tense Usage

Obpia30. 6/2014. https://pixabay.com/en/clock-time-stand-by-650753/

Past	Present	Future
Ceased Was (7) Announced Made Decided Stopped Gained Have employed Were (2) Has been Played Taken Placed Has been aware Incurred Has existed Portrayed Geared Forced Solidified Affected Witnessed Observed Happened Opened Have declared Purchase	Are (8) Is (18) Walk Attempting Roaming Passing Marks Remove Making Selling (2) Remain Has Following (2) Stay Evoke Points Scrapping Receive Has been declining Fall Recognize Introduce Implored Understand Hit Surfaces Have Occur Put Asserts Have Conjure Fixing Puts Remain Influence Take Standing Carries Pare	Will…         Find         Rally         Dwindle         Cripple         Relocate         Stop         Endorse         Have

1. Which tense is the most prevalent in your draft?

I used present tense the most often when telling about my controversy in all the lead up and recounting of history up until my event occurred. Even though it is history that I am covering most often, I still use the present tense because these verbs are continuing. They were not simple one-time actions that took place, they are lasting verbs that took place and are still taking place.

2. What effect does the current usage of tense have on the audience?

To my audience, these verbs may make my story almost seem like it is still in production of the story. And while the singular event took place, the controversy did not end there. The stakeholders are still currently feeling the changes induced by the action taken by CVS Pharmacy.

3. How do the shifts between tenses flow?

The majority of my report is covered in the past and present tenses. Many of the verbs are in the imperfect form, where they are in the past tense but do not represent a singular action of the past, but rather represent a continuing description that began in the past. My story bounces back and forth between covering specific actions from 2014 (simply past tense) and historical descriptions that date back to 2014 (imperfect past tense and some present tense). The last collection of paragraphs in my QRG is properly titled so that I may use the future tense without the organization of my project to be jarring.

4. Use of the present tense?

I am not exactly sure how I should answer this question since the majority of my verbs were in the present tense, but I did orchestrate that aspect on purpose. I wanted to obtain a real feel of a timeline in my project that began with CVS's controversial decision back in 2014, its current state of progression since then, and a look towards what this event means for the future of retail healthcare and the public. This event was not one that simply occurred and then remains in the past forever; it is a constantly evolving story since it covers the actions of a relevant company.

My Verbs

Wikimedia. 11/2007. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Makes_me_wanna_jump.jpg

Ceased

Are

Is

Walk 

Find

Attempting

Roaming

Was

Is

Are

Passing

Marks

Announced

Remove

Made

Was announced

Was making

Decided

Was

Stopped

Selling

Gained

Are

Have employed

Were

Remain 

Is

Placed 

Has been aware

Is

Selling 

Following 

Stay 

Are 

Is

Was 

Was

Evoke 

Points 

Is 

Has been declining

Fall 

Was 

Is

Played 

Taken 

Is 

Recognize 

Introduce 

Implores 

Understand 

Is 

Were hit 

Placed 

Has been 

Surfaces 

Incurred 

Have 

Are 

Is

Occur 

Put 

Has existed

Asserts 

Have 

Will rally 

Is

Portrayed 

Is

Are

Conjure 

Are

Is geared 

Fixing

Forced 

Puts 

Solidified 

Remain 

Is 

Is affected 

Is 

Is

Influence 

Has witnessed 

Observed 

Is

Following

Take 

Are

Happened 

Opened 

Was 

Standing 

Was 

Have 

Declared 

Dwindle 

Cripple 

Purchase 

Relocate 

Carries 

Pare 

Stops 

Endorsing 

Have

Repetition Tally

Is - 18

Are - 8

Was - 7

Have - 4

Were - 2 

Selling - 2

Following - 2

Placed - 2

Local Revision: Wordiness

Rosengard, Beth. 10/2014.  https://pixabay.com/en/scrabble-tiles-words-letters-text-906404/

Original Passage

CVS’s announcement commercial and overarching theme of the campaign is geared towards fixing the habit of smokers. This mentality forced upon by CVS really puts the outward personal perception at stake for smokers. It’s this new update in the long-standing debate between the public acceptance of cigarettes that has further solidified stereotypes and more importantly prejudices against smokers.

Edited Passage

CVS’s announcement commercial exists to eliminate smoking. It puts smoker's personal reputations at stake. This event has reinforced prejudices against smokers.

Thoughts

The less wordy excerpt still gets the main idea of the original excerpt across, but less analytically. The three sentences are really what I want the audience to take away in the big picture about the commercial, but the reality is that there is so much more that can be said. The edited passage does not accomplish the portrayal of the level of specificity of the original paragraph because I chose my words in the original paragraph with care of what I wanted the reader to understand. Yes, the announcement commercial exists to eliminate smoking, but it is also important that we recognize this is the real reason behind the entire campaign of which the commercial just acts as the face of. Thus, I want my reader to know it is to the greatest extent of this controversy that CVS is trying to rid smoker's of the habit, and that I chose these words with individual meaning.

Peer Review 2

In this peer review, I looked at David's video and Amorah's quick reference guide. I also made reviews for both David's project and Amorah's project.

Marco, Peggy. 10/2012. https://pixabay.com/en/friends-kameraden-camaraderie-good-1013856/

1. What did you learn about your own project when making these peer reviews?

I learned that you really have to create a project with your audience in mind. You have been creating this project on this one topic for two to three weeks, and have become an expert on all its knowledge, but your reader knows nothing. Your project really has to be made with the reader's position in mind.

2. Top three issues with your draft.

I really am going to step up my game for my final draft as far as following conventions of my genre. Some things you do are not as visible to your audience as they are to you and so you really have to make them dramatic, but eloquent. I am also going to include a little more background on my own project so that my reader is not completely lost when I jump into my controversy. Lastly, this weekend, I will be touching up my draft to really make it sound like my own voice. I think that is something really valuable in a QRG.

3. Top three strengths.

I think, so far in my QRG my voice already seeps through quite a bit. I also think I have followed the convention of different fonts and sizes to illustrate key points well. Last, I am pretty confident with my clarity in who my different stakeholders are. I believe it is easy to tell who is against who in my story.

Peer Review 1

I looked over Diego's video essay for this peer review. I really admired his attention to detail in this piece and I think I will revise my own project for a little more focus on the specifics. I also really liked his extensive knowledge on his stakeholders, and I intend to include more background in my own project, as well. I think both Diego and I have settled into our own sense of humor, and have made our projects run smoothly in those areas. I honestly don't know if I could say Diego made any mistakes, per say, in his project. It is also difficult to analyze his project because some things that I would change personally would just be in relation to the genre, not the content. I think that I will try to include more of the 'why' aspects leading up to the event, which I did not see a lot of in his project, and also I would like to be more specific in defining my stakeholders exactly.

Draft of Project 1

Navartierre, Adinda. 8/2011. https://www.flickr.com/photos/ladyblackqueen/6017388920

Woo woo! It's that time!

Here is my rough draft for project 1. My format is a quick reference guide, and the controversy I will be covering is the event when CVS Pharmacies rid all tobacco products from their shelves. Surprisingly, this was very recent. Anyway, I'd love any feedback you have on how to make my project more humorous or maybe if there is a different you you would format the look of my project to be more aesthetically pleasing. Either way, your input is appreciated!

The Time Period

McNulty, Naill. 12/2010. https://www.flickr.com/photos/niallmcnulty/5225470419

Local News Stories

• Providence Journal actually posted about the event in question when the news was released and even a response by another large pharmacy chain.

National News Stories

• The New York Times covered CVS's story and was also buzzing with other health related news in the first week of February of 2014.

Global News Stories

• TIME Magazine, from their archives, appear to be very focused on the news in Syria. One article did relate to my event by covering the effects of third-hand smoke.

I think the research on stories covered locally, nationally, and globally really followed a strict trend line in my event’s case. Locally, both stories related to my event and went very in depth. This was huge news, locally. It was still easy for me to find stories when I searched in the national news, but I only found one story that covered my controversy, and the other story was about self-diagnosing an illness (but at least it related to healthcare). I searched for a considerably longer amount of time to find a news story in the global perspective, and even then, did not find a story that directly covered my event, but more covered an important topic that related to my event (smoking). The majority of the news I found globally was in regards to the war in Syria.