Male Birth Control: Innovative Option or Experimental Hoax?
1. Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know
2. Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
3. Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I chose to do my project analyzing this new product called Vasalgel; it's a form of birth control for men. A lot of people are doubting it because it isn't finished and a lot of people have immediately accepted it and claim it will change the world. My video will be analyzing these claims and taking a side on one of them.
2. Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)
I know the sign off (outro) is weak. I'm definitely wanting to edit that one more but I can't figure out how to just leave my audience without sounding like a news anchor.
3. Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)
I like how I've analyzed my quotes and pros and cons list; I think that was a well thought out part of my project.
Hi Katie! I just want to say that your draft is highly intriguing and relevant, and I think you chose an excellent topic! This is going to be a really great project!
ReplyDeleteI am a little concerned, though, that your project does more explaining than arguing. It took until about the nine minute mark (unless I missed something, which is very possible considering it's 1am and I'm tired) to hear any semblance of your opinion on the matter. It's really great to have all of that background info, it helps the audience understand this new thing but I'm honestly not completely clear about what position you're defending. At the end it sounds like you're advocating for everyone to learn about birth control and find the type that suits them, but that conclusion doesn't follow from the 11 minutes of content about Vaselgel specifically. Your title makes it seem like you're going to argue one of those positions "Innovative Option/Experimental Hoax", but it seems like you only brush on those things as possibilities. There are a lot of positions you could hold based on all the information you gave.(maybe that men need to take accountability for birth control as well and this is a good way to do that if it works out in the future, or that it's too dangerous because men could become permanently sterile, or that it's is a stupid idea since it was birthed (hehe. birthed. because it's about birth control.) from a social experiment, etc). Overall my point is that it seems like your project is mostly informative, and that your argument isn't exactly clear. The purpose of the project is to convince your audience of something, not just inform them. So just clarify what you mean to argue using all of that information as either background info or evidence backing your position and you should be golden!
I'm really excited to see the final product! I hope this makes sense and didn't sound harsh or anything. I really liked it and if you have any questions about what I mean feel free to ask :) feel free to ignore me too I never know what i'm doing. haha
I forgot to mention it was also really funny and pleasing to listen to. As far as genre goes once you get the video footage with your audio, your project is going to be really interesting and audience-friendly. So major props there :)
DeleteNo, that was great! Thank you for the feedback!I will definitely go to revise that this week! I'm glad you pointed it out!
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