Peer Review for Erin McCabe

Imma take a look at Erin McCabe's project in this post!



1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

Erin wrote A Nostalgic Glance Back

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

My comment on Erin's project

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to review her conventions, but I picked up other things along the way as I read. I decided to review conventions because they're the easiest way to recognize a standard college essay, everybody knows them, but they're also so easy to miss and lose easy points on.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I suggested Erin use page numbers, or some sort of header when she turned her whole project in, because I have seen almost everyone else use that.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I also encouraged Erin to capitalize her proper nouns in order to make her project more credible and professional.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from


Erin's use of white space and smaller paragraphs made her essay really easy to read and I was able to get through it really quick. My paragraphs were less in quantity but longer in length.

Editorial Report 9a

Alrighty. Comin' at ya straight from my brain. Two versions of my introduction paragraph. I chose to edit this paragraph because hahahah did you read it before?? Wowza. Well, here are the old and revised versions. Take a looksie.

Introductions

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I made my new introduction a little more formal and definitely added more specific experiences while expanding on the ones already present. I wanted a lot of good background of english-class-hatred to be able to expand on in my essay and then be able to negate, as well.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

The form stayed pretty much the same. I started with a grabber, included some personal stories, and ended with my thesis for the essay to follow.

Editorial Report 9b

Aaaand, here is my other revision report. This time, we'll be looking at my first body paragraph. So click the link below if you're looking for a riveting experience reading about my opinion about my own take on writing.

Conclusions


1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

Wowza. I made it a lot of content changes by just adding more specific experiences and also adding where I'm intending to go with my writings in the future, how they will be relevant to my career, and then finishing by wrapping up in summary my essay.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Well, I made it a lot longer. I didn't want it to be so short in comparison to my other paragraphs because then it just looks like I didn't spend time on it instead of just wrapping it up briefly.

Open Post to Peer Reviewers

'Suhhh friends. Here is the first version of my reflection. A wee bit nostalgic. But nevertheless, enjoy several pages of me love-hating my experiences with writing classes!

Super Rad Reflection

~ Let's Talk About Me ~

1. Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

Heh. It's six pages. Enjoy. I mean, I don't know what else to say, because we're all doing the same thing, so yeah, it's a reflection of the semester.

2. Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

I hope my paragraphs aren't too dense, but then again I didn't exactly know how to achieve the length it should be with only five paragraphs without having them be ridiculously large.

3. Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

I really like my wording. I hope you do too!

Peer Review for Rhiannon Bauer

This post will be a review for a student who is in my section of the course.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

This is a review for Rhiannon's untitled final video.

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

My comment on her production schedule.

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to review the production schedule pretty much because I had already reviewed the content outline, and then when I clicked on her production schedule I struck gold in the form of beautiful organization!

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I suggested to Rhiannon that she look into the opportunities that were available in regards to the technology one could use to produce her video. I told her about the options she had regarding software, microphones, and filming tools, and how each of them helped me out when i was making my video.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I incorporated the use of introduction and organization with Rhiannon's production schedule. I wanted to focus my comment on my experiences with my video essay and how my feedback could possibly improve her experience with this genre of project.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

I really liked that Rhiannon's schedule was in an updatable table. It made it easy to read and edit as need be.

Peer Review for Mike Duffek

This post will be a review for a student who is not in my section of the course.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

This is the untitled final project of Mike Duffek.

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

My comment on Mike's content outline.

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed  

I chose to critique Mike's outline because...pretty colors. His color coding attracted my eye and then I accidentally read through the whole thing and then just thought I ought to make comments on it since I had to for this post anyway!

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I really liked Mike's outline; I did suggest that he look into the sources he plans on using and actually physically incorporating them into his video. I think that would look really nice and provide a break up from just the voice over pictures that most video essays have.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I commented on Mike's organization, but specifically in reference to his external sources as I mentioned above. I said that it would be nice to see the use of his evidence (his other projects) in each of his paragraph segments of the video.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

Mike's outline was so easy to read; the colors he used and the use of white space really broke down the overview of his project on such a comprehensible level. I'd like to revisit my own outline and model from his.

Production Report 14b

This revision post will be for the conclusion part of my essay. Below are links to the original and revised versions of this part of my project.

Conclusion can be found here.


1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

Since I'm doing the standard college essay format, my genre's conventions are mainly summarizing what I talked about in the previous paragraphs and tying it all up while bringing it full circle in some way. I felt like I was going off on some tangents and so I'd like to revise it to make it more cohesive with the main points from the other paragraphs, but essentially, I used the whole of my essay to compile a suitable conclusion. 

2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

The production of my conclusion was a little more difficult than that of my introduction because i had to keep in mind the whole time to make the paragraph come full circle.

Production Report 14a

This revision post will be for the introduction part of my essay. Below are links to the original and revised versions of this part of my project.

Introduction can be found here.


1. How did you decide to use form to present your content in the raw material you’ve shared here? How did the conventions of your chosen genre influence your choices?

The introduction, in my opinion, was one of the easier parts of my essay just because I have written so many standard essays and am familiar with the structure of their composition, especially when it comes to the introductions. The specific conventions of this paragraph are getting the attention of my reader, briefly introducing the purpose of the essay, and then highlighting my intended body paragraphs in a thesis. 

2. How did the production of this raw material go? What kinds of any hiccups, challenges, successes, creative epiphanies, etc. occurred during the process?

Again, this introduction was the easiest just because there was so much freedom to introduce my background.

Production Schedule

This post will contain my plans for this pre-production/production week in how I will create my essay.


Intro:

What is to be done: Introduction of my final essay
Location: Classroom
Planned date & time: Class on Thursday at normal time
Resources required: Laptop
Date completed: Class on Thursday at normal time


Genre:

What is to be done: 1st body paragraph
Location: Arbol Study Room
Planned date & time: Monday afternoon prior to chapter
Resources required: Laptop

Date completed:


Audience:

What is to be done: 2nd body paragraph
Location: Arbol Study Room
Planned date & time: Monday afternoon prior to chapter
Resources required: Laptop

Date completed:


Personal Style:

What is to be done: 3rd body paragraph
Location: Arbol Study Room
Planned date & time:Monday afternoon prior to chapter
Resources required: Laptop

Date completed:


Outtro:

What is to be done: Conclusion of my final essay
Location: Classroom
Planned date & time: Tuesday in class normal time
Resources required: Laptop

Date completed:


Revision and Polish:

What is to be done: Revise my essay as a whole
Location: Library or Arbol Study Room
Planned date & time: Friday after Chem final 12-due time
Resources required: Laptop

Date completed:

Content Outline

My reflection project will be in essay form and have the following format.



Intro

• My Intro will be a background of how I've encountered other English classes before this and how this one came to be in my schedule. I will capture the reader's attention by using memorable alliterations. This paragraph will contain my feelings about writing in general and how it can and will fit into my possible future career. My main thesis of this paragraph will be leading into how my perception of English classes have changed from this class based on the three main ideas of genre, audience, and my personal style.

Genre

• My first main paragraph will be about genre because that was the first thing I had to decide when producing my writings for this class. So first I will make a brief statement about how I used to perceive genre in writing. Then I will describe specific ways those perceptions were really misconceptions because of the projects from this class. For evidence, I will use examples from each of the projects I have completed in this class. My focus of this paragraph will likely be on project two because that had the most to do with the genre that I will be working with in the future. My examples will demonstrate the wide variety of genres introduced in this class and how simply their presence has affected my opinion with writing genres.

Audience

• My second body paragraph will be on the differences in how I have come to view my audience since I started this class as opposed to my previous audience-related intentions from other english classes I've taken. My evidence will be the same as the last paragraph's, I will be using my specific projects from this class and relating the change I see from previous classes. Again, my examples are proving the changes I see in myself after having taken this class. I see this paragraph being focused more on the first project since I really had to focus to whom I would cater my QRG to, and since stakeholders played a large role in that project and I really want to highlight that presence.

My Personal Style

• I want the first two paragraphs to be the main summaries of how this class has affected my style of writing and the work that I produce, and then this last paragraph to go into analysis of the actual mechanism I follow to produce work, and how that has changed over the course of the semester. My evidence for this paragraph will be my blog posts and their time stamps of publication and/or their revision. That will be useful near the end of my writing process analysis to see how I function with due dates. So this paragraph will cover my writing process from start to finish and my opinion of why I work this way. I'd like to incorporate that quiz we took at the beginning of the semester that was something like "what kind of writer are you?" and it was like 'the drafter' and 'the thinker' or something like that.

Outtro

• Okay so here I'll be wrapping up my thoughts of this semester and how my style has changed in these areas that are my body paragraphs. I will also incorporate how I am actually intending on taking another writing class to fulfill my major, and honestly I am a little afraid for it and other future writings because I feel like this class is sorta a 'diamond-in-the-rough' type of situation when it comes to these types of classes. So yeah, my point of significance is that this really isnt my last writing class Ill ever take, and surely not the last writing project ill do (careers n what not).

Peer Review for Chandler Gillette

This post is a peer review for a student who is not in my section of class.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

I reviewed Chandler's Video Essay, "5 Arguments Against FBI Backdoor".

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

My Comment

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to review Copy Editing for Chandler's video essay, mainly to talk about his sources.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I really just wanted to comment on the credibility of his sources. As an author, or creator, it makes a lot of sense when you choose your sources, and that isn't always as easily conveyed to your audience, so I suggested Chandler go into a little bit more depth as to why he chose the sources he chose and what that meant to the integrity of his project.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I encouraged Chandler to go back and include some sort of works cited page/document/description since it is so easy to add on YouTube.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

I admired how cohesive Chandler's project was. I am aware I am taking more of a risk to having a shoddy project because I change from on-screen to off-screen and back again. And while I still think it sounds good, you can't get a more smooth transition than not having one at all. Really enjoyed his project overall.

Peer Review for Coby Allred

This post is a peer review for a student in my section of class.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

I reviewed Coby's video essay titled "Anwar al-Awlaki: Was His Death Justified?"

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

My comment

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to review Coby's project under the 're-design' option, mainly because I noticed one little thing and thought I should comment on it.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I suggested Coby include a physical list, some sort of works cited, along with his video or in the credits of his video so that one could fact check or even have the tools to learn more outside just the information he provided in the video.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I also suggested Coby re-design his title so that it is more catchy to his audience and thus more receptive. An easy title to remember is one that is more likely to be shared and passed on (both via the internet and through word of mouth).

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

Coby's project is undeniably professional. His speaking voice is wonderful!

Editorial Report 9a

This post will be a reflection on my first body paragraph.

Old Intro
New Intro

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I got some comments about the fact that I am spending too much time explaining and not enough time arguing for my side, so I have revised my first paragraph to be more concise. I still had to give background so that my audience can understand what on earth I'm arguing for, and the way I am presenting it now feels a lot more factual and short.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I morphed the transition paragraph into the first paragraph so I could really cut down on how much time I wasn't spending on arguing, because that really the point of the project.

Editorial Report 9b

This editorial report will be on the last paragraph/outro of my project. I felt like it was weak before and just still cut out abruptly, so I edited it to make my project more full circle while supporting my argument.

Old Outro New Outro

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I actually ended up keeping my outro relatively brief just to save time, and because I didn't end up keeping the introduction of myself. I did change what I said because I was spending too much time, again, not advocating for my point - being in favor of vasalgel. I still kept the sentence where I inform my audience of a greater significance of the video, because it is honestly something important to me, but I condensed it more and kept it strictly at the end.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Again, I used to have just little paragraphs that led up to the final paragraph and it didn't come off well (as far as, it didn't present to the audience where my video was actually going to end). So I squished them all together and got rid of almost anything that wasn't directed toward my argument.

Reflection on Post Production Part II

This week I have been editing all parts of my video; script, and visual component alike. This is a reflection on my progress of the week.

1. What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I was so proud of myself for getting my whole script re-adapted on Tuesday, and then adding my visual components in on Thursday (I made a list of which pictures and videos I wanted to have appear at each part, where I wanted screens with text, and planned out which videos would be only of me speaking, etc.). Everything went so smoothly during compilation, too. I always anticipate having crazy technical difficulties, but I didn't really have too many!

2. What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

The only challenge I had was on myself. I was so confident because I was so well prepared during the week that I still underestimated the time it would take me to complete the little things after I had put the whole project together. For example, I filmed all my videos on Saturday, and had them all compiled on Sunday before noon. Once I finished the fine tuning and the never ending uploading/exporting process, here we are at 10 pm on a Sunday. That was honestly my only thing that went wrong today; it took me over two hours to upload to Vimeo (for peer reviewing - I think it was the wifi, not sure), and another hour to export onto my desktop.

3. How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

A lot a lot faster because no uploading or filming or uploading. Or uploading. *twitch twitch*

4. How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

I would have to say I was the most interested in this project overall since the genre was so open. I hope that doesn't hurt me in the end, because I wasn't doing the project for the project, I was doing it for me. Actually, I got a lot of good resources by just talking to my friends about my project who were interested in it too (like the quote I use at the beginning, one of my friends brought that up when I was telling her about my project). I'm definitely the most proud of this project in terms of its relevancy in the medical community and our society right now. I think it's always a good sign when you can spend so much time on a project and not be completely worn out of it by the end, and that's how I feel with project 3.

Revised Post to Peer Reviewers

I will be attaching my revised version of my project 3 video essay after the second week of post production.

Male Birth Control: Innovative Option or Experimental Hoax?



1. Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know.

Yes the title is long. Yes the video is long. I beg of you, if you take on the task of enduring the whole thing to just listen the points I'm making about why Vasalgel is a step forward for our society; that's what I'm trying to sell you on.

2. Major issues or weaknesses in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

I'm afraid I drone on too much because I'm trying to give background at the same time as I'm arguing for my side.

3. Major virtues or strengths in the “Fine Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

I, personally, like the way I have tied things together, and I feel like the information I present and factors I use are all cohesive. I'm proud of the fact that I used actual quotes from people to present the sides of my argument that I'm trying to touch on.

Peer Review for Sofia Haserot

This is a peer review for one of my classmates who is not in my section of class.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

I reviewed Sofia Haserot's untitled Video Essay on Obamacare.

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

Sofia's project

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed

I chose to analyze content because I knew I would be able to talk the most about that, (as opposed to form, because all she had available was a script).

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I advised Sofia to look more into the argument side of the project; it seemed a little like she was aiming to recreate project 1 because of the lack of argument. I also suggested she make a few of her paragraphs more clear in why they exist and what theyre supposed to do for the audience.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I really ended up editing a lot of organization because of the fact that I recommended she combine her first and second paragraph. It seemed to me like she was focusing too much on the introduction of the story that she skimmed over the details and how she felt about the story.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

I did, however, admire the fact that Sofia chose a topic she knew she would be able to argue, she says so in the beginning of her open post. So maybe she just needs more time to edit so she can make a stronger one-sided argument out of it.

Peer Review for Payton Leahy

This is a peer review for one of my classmates in my section of class.

1. The name of the title and author for the project you reviewed

I reviewed Payton's "Why Sony Needs To #FreeKesha"

2. A working hyperlink to the project you reviewed

Payton's Video and my comment

3. An explanation of the peer review activity you selected for the project you reviewed 

I chose to review Payton's video based on Copy Editing. I began watching her video and immediately wanted to do form because I could pick out things right away, but I saw other commenters had already made remarks about form and so I thought I should switch it up a little for her sake.

4. An explanation of how you think you helped the author with your feedback (in other words, how did you help them make their work better?)

I made comments to Payton in regards to the three sections of the Copy Editing rubric, language use, design elements, and credible sourcing. I remarked on each of these and tried to steer clear of comments she had already gotten. I try to make my comments ones that address the problem and a possible solution so I'm not just putting a whole bunch of responsibilities on the author.

5. An explanation of how you incorporated something from the suggested Student’s Guide readings (or any other course materials, if you’d prefer) into your feedback

I commented on the sourcing Payton was using. Even though it was just a rough cut, she acknowledged to her critics (I guess that's me) that she was using credits at the end, but I also recommended she cited sources as she went along so that her audience would find her credible throughout the video.

6. One thing about their work that you admired or think you could learn from

I really did like the tone Payton used. It wasn't insanely aggressive (I think I can be like that) but I was still able to listen to her whole video.

Reflection on Post-Production

This collection of questions and responses is relevant to my video, "Male Birth Control: Innovative Option or Experimental Hoax", for the first round of post-production.



1. What were some of the successes (or, things that went right) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

I got myself caught up on my blog posts. Last week I fell a little behind and now I am back up to date with the posts.

2. What were some of the challenges (or, things that went wrong) during this week’s process work? Explain, with evidence.

The biggest challenge of this week for me was deciding what fit into the genre form or not. A lot of the examples we have looked at have taken different approaches, like sitting at a desk reporting or simply putting audio over picture. I just dont want whatever I do to be out of genre content.

3. How do you think next week will go, based on your experiences this week?

I am hoping I get to edit more next week, and I will be more comfortable with my project. This week was really good for getting myself back on track and this next week I would like to even get ahead if possible.

4. How are you feeling about the project overall at this point?

I am very comfortable with the length of my project, and even most of the content. Only at the end do I noticeably rush out of speaking and somewhat harshly end my video.

Open Post To Peer Reviewers

Male Birth Control: Innovative Option or Experimental Hoax?

Rough Draft
(in audio form)

1. Key information about your particular project that you would like anyone who peer reviews your draft to know

I chose to do my project analyzing this new product called Vasalgel; it's a form of birth control for men. A lot of people are doubting it because it isn't finished and a lot of people have immediately accepted it and claim it will change the world. My video will be analyzing these claims and taking a side on one of them.

2. Major issues or weaknesses in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those weaknesses)

I know the sign off (outro) is weak. I'm definitely wanting to edit that one more but I can't figure out how to just leave my audience without sounding like a news anchor.

3. Major virtues or strengths in the “Rough Cut” that you’re already aware of (as well as anything you’d like to know from your editors about those strengths)

I like how I've analyzed my quotes and pros and cons list; I think that was a well thought out part of my project.

Editorial Report 12b

This post is about how I changed my second 'body paragraph' video section in my essay from the script version I had in the beginning of the week to the version I had at the end of the week.

Rough
Final


1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

This section was definitely more sophisticated from the get-go. I mentioned in my previous editorial report how that was something I was focusing on for my first body section. I changed the quotes I used long before I even recorded, though I think that is still worthy of mentioning. I felt like I couldn't obtain as much of an analyzable reaction from a previous quote I had from Refinery 29 "...How do the choices suck? Wear a _____ condom" to a quote from the same source that exhibited more of the vibe I was trying to get with people who are reacting negatively to the product that said "The point of the story here is that the more safe and effective birth control options that are available, the better" from the author of the article.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

Again, the organization of this paragraph/section was not a primary concern for me because I really focused on one thing - the reactions of various parts of the public. So, the form was cohesive from start to finish.

Editorial Report 12a

I took two recordings of the same part of my script before and after its revision. The clips are linked below, along with my comments about how they changed through my editions.

Rough
Final

1. How did the content change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the content is being communicated more effectively in the re-edited version?

I thought I was a little repetitive in my word choice in my rough draft. Although I still don't think I am finished, I like my vocab choices more in my second version. I feel like they're more sophisticated but still comprehensible. The rest of the content really remained the same. I am comfortable with the layout of my script, which is where I did most of my editing. So, both of these recorded versions are, more or less, edited drafts, when you consider my real rough draft is in print.

2. How did the form change (even slightly - details matter!) when you re-edited it? Why do you think the form is presenting the content more effectively in the re-edited version?

I'm working on making myself seem more professional, and so I tried to bring down the pitch and over-enthusiastic energy in my second time around. I still want to be energetic and keep my audience awake, especially for these scenes where the only thing present is my voice (over a picture or short silent clip) but that was the major formatting change I made.